p i i x e l

first entry :) i finished the homepage yesterday and the diary page today, im so proud of myself. i haven't been able to stick to anything recently so it feels refreshing to be so excited about something, granted the diary page is quite simple it's semi intentional. I want to get the site cute and functional then try to make it fancy and cool if that makes any sense.

i've been struggling with an extreme anxiety and agoraphobia recently. i'm 21, i want to get my ged, go to college, do something. i just feel stuck, i want to go up to the place for my ged this week but i said that last week and the week before, idk what's wrong with me tbh but i did start therapy last month. it's been helping but i can't say ive made a lot of progress.

enough of the sad stuff you might actually wanna know about me for real, like i've said im 21, i play a lot of video games, read novels and manga, watch anime and film, i also like to collect random things from the internet. i have a lot of interests that'll be scattered throughout the blog. i have a boyfriend who is a total sweetie pie and we live together, he is "normal," at least more normal than me. he helps a lot aswell, he's also the funniest guy you'll ever meet and i'm not just saying that. i also have a cat!! his name is blaze and i will probably make a shrine for him at some point.

anyways a lot of this will probably be in the about me on the homepage after i finish all the links but until then here's ur get to know me :3

i'm back!! i didn't update yesterday because the button page drove me so mad i ended up just playing animal crossing all day. I figured it out today though so the first scrapbook page (my button collection) will be live when you see this! so cool right? it still wont be the aesthetic blog ever but it'll be mine, a place to flow my creative ideas and claim a little space on the internet.

me and my boyfriend got into a pretty nasty fight the other day but we're better now, he had been advising me not to get a job to focus on my ged and mental health but i feel like he's starting to resent me for not working. so i decided im going to pick up a little day job, maybe the routine getting outside of the house will be theraputic in it's own way.. plus i miss money. i want to be able to support my interests again, not be so dependant on him. i don't want to blame my mom but she gets this way when she's in a relationship too. 3 marriages at 40 but she's only been single for 4 years my entire life.

my biggest fear in the entire world is him leaving me, i know it's unhealthy to feel this way but he was right when he said what little i have going for me is held up by him, i would be completly lost with nothing. i guess i just need to do do better like everyone says, but why isn't it that easy? why am i so obsessed with ruining myself for absolutely nothing but reading, scrolling, and rotting? it doesn't make sense, i know im capabale of better it just feels out of reach i guess.

anywho i'm going to make a spacehey when im done with the site!! granted it may take a while but if i keep up this pace the site should be fully functional by the end of the week so there is that. i hope you have a good day!!